Me Me Me

Being Kicked

2008-12-18T19:01:00.000-08:00

Wow, Baby Brain is real. It's real people. REAL. For weeks and weeks I've been thinking I needed to call my next post Mourning Sickness, and so I finally made some time to get online to write it only to find it written. BABY BRAIN IS REAL. Do not question this fact.

So anyway, I've decided there is actually one person who is allowed to kick me when I'm down - that is the tiny little girl inside my tummy. She is allowed to kick me as much as she wants because it makes me really happy. The first time I saw it with my eyes I was reading a book on my lap and my focus got pulled by a shape being punched from the inside. It was like something out of Alien. I let my eyes linger for a moment half expecting my abdomen to burst open and to need to have quick reflexes to catch whatever it was that was about to make a run for it. The first time Tom felt a kick he was half overjoyed and half freaked out.

It really is quite a freaky weird thing - having a small life form inside of you. I mean, I shouldn't be too freaked out right? Because I'm a girl and this is what most girls do. But, really (and I tried to explain this to Tom who didn't believe I was as freaked as he was), it's all new to me.

For months I have watched many other female friends at church go from pregnant to motherhood and I feel like I'm on the slow upward climb on a rollercoaster. I am about to go flying and there will be screaming and possibly gnashing of teeth. One by one my friends disappear over the top of the ridge and my time is getting ever closer. There is no way off this wild ride at this point. Not saying I want out, but not having a choice is a bit daunting.

I held baby Lily and I said 'Oh - she's tiny!', then I thought "WT* - she's HUGE!'. When I realised there was one of those (adorable yet huge things) inside me and I had the job of getting it out, the tininess of Lily ceased to be. She's huge. She's a small human being. Praise the Lord the midwife reports my little one is on the smaller side of the baby spectrum. Being a nine-pound wonder myself, this comes as welcome news.

In one attempt to process the enigma of pregnancy I said to a friend I had just realised that 'if someone were to run past me holding a knife and accidentally slice me open, something like Lily would fall out of me'....then the look on my friend's face told me I needed to go away and word that revelation differently.

Mourning Sicknes

2008-11-21T02:29:00.000-08:00

I reckon the number of potentially stress-inducing features in the landscape of my life right now is to blame for my unusually heightened level of touchiness...who knows? It's fine, life is hard sometimes. Everybody hurts...sometimes. I have no beef with this fact. The part I take issue with is the feeling of being kicked when I'm down. Put your violin away, I'm not launching into a poor-me session, I'm just observing something - sometimes, especially when the person concerned is going through a storm, it is better to put some thought in before allowing the words out.

Whatever the reason, I feel the need to speak up for those who have no voice. I sometimes don't have a voice. Not often, but the times it happens coincide perfectly with the times when I need to come up with a clever comeback on the spot - just can't do it. Let me go away and stew for some hours and I will come back with a real winner, but on the spot? Cannot. All I am able to do for now is walk away.

Actually, I here's what I'm really trying to say - when it comes to me, right now, in this point in my life, you cannot win. If you say nothing, I will feel sad. If you say the wrong thing, I will feel hurt. If you would like to know what the right thing to do is, I'm afraid I cannot tell you - I don't know. It's an unfortunate state of affairs. For this I apologise.

Two fast and full months

2008-10-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

Goodness. Wow. Scheesh. hmmmm.
Where to start? Too hard. Bullet points better:

June
- minor freakout due to lack of place to live due to someone deciding to knock our building down.
- Amazing offer to house sit Casa Rogers in DB
- Pack up big flat, put stuff in storage, move to Shui Fai, move to DB.

July
- Hillsong Conference
- Last four weeks of fitness challenge at Pure - much detoxing/crazy workouts/overdoing everything
- Loving training Caporeira. Decide to commit life to God, family, church & Capoeira. Dreaming of attaining uniform. Told I can have one on Monday.
- Monday - email - need to come to UK NOW! No Capoeira uniform, oh well, wait til I get back.
- Move out of DB, back to Shui Fai.
- Wednesday - arrive UK
- Thursday - positive pregnancy test - extend wait for Capoeira uniform til next year.
- Wednesday - Dad passes away

August
- Saturday - Wales for wedding
- Friday - Ireland for Read family reunion
- Thursday - funeral
- Back to HK
- Move out of Shui Fai to Sai Kung
- Typhoon 9 fells Banyan tree in garden
- Mike G

September
- Manila for St Paul's Theology school
- Go public about bun in oven
- Thursday - 'it' is a girl!
- Friday - lead worship @ Imagine, meeting, too much work, going a bit crazy, meeting, hospital, meeting, meeting, Sell Mum's house, decide not to have such full-on days any more if possible
- Monday - Househunting. Tired beyond words. Must slow down.
- Tuesday - rush hour traffic, brother's dog eats poison, brother giving hugely important presentation at work, get locksmith to bust down door, rush to vet, back to pay locksmith, crazy offer from DB flat, rush to DB, buy flat, back to vet, drop husband at football, drop dog in midlevels, brother's gf arrives from US, pick up husband, back to Sai Kung. I thought I said slow down.

October
- Wednesday - Car breaks down. Wish I could get towed away and fixed.

Hopes for the rest of the year
- Heed own advice to reduce pace.
- Memorial service.
- Move house one more time
- Stop doing all things I don't love.
- Reintroduce God to my mornings.
- Regain ability to write full sentences
- Celebrate wonderful and abundant life
- teach myself how to count again.

He's gone

2008-07-31T07:53:00.000-07:00

My Dad passed away very peacefully last night. It was very beautiful and my Mum, one brother and I were there at the moment it happened. Everything was orchestrated perfectly. I couldn't ask for anything better. He no longer has to fight his illness, and now if free from that old body which served him well. We are all full of peace. Thank you everyone for your well-wishes and encouragements. I will write a detailed account of the incredible things that happened last week. It's too much for words right now. All I can say is that I know without a doubt that my prayers are heard.

OkAY SORRY

2008-07-30T12:11:00.001-07:00

Okay, many hours have passed since this morning's vent session. My loving husband has once again succeeded in talking a bit of sense and reason into me. God only knows how he does it. Here is my updated statement concerning the previous post:

- Everyone is different. Different people need different responses in difficult situations.
- I am only allowed to speak for myself.
- The previous post applies to me only, unless someone says otherwise.
- Writing just calms me down. I am not trying to start a revolution.
- Most people do not know what each other is going through and no one can read each other's minds.
- It's very rarely ever personal.
- 9 times out of 10 the reason people don't communicate hard things is that they are trying not to gossip.
- Maybe using a harsh tone of words is not the best way to help people who are scared of stigma-issues be less scared.
- Although I still stand by 99% of what I wrote this morning, I am sorry if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intention, I just needed to write and that was where my passion was at that moment. - the beauty of the art of blogging.

I thank my readers for clinging to my disclaimer - I am still learning. I'm pretty sure I will never stop.

What to do when someone is in crisis/ Rocket Science

2008-07-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Here is my blog for today. I'm going public with this. I realise I am in danger of sounding like and angry ranting blogger, but please excuse me for this one post. I am not actually angry with anyone, just angry with the situation that has prompted this post. I will try not to rant though, because that's no fun for anyone but me. The message of this post is not intended only for my benefit.

In the recent months the church has really moved forward in opening her eyes to injustice in the world. I am convinced that this is not exclusive to the issue of poverty, but of human suffering on many levels. The person who exposes the area in which we as a church have been weak in may come across a little harsh, but we get over it because there is value in the message. I hope you can get over me and find value in this message, this is my little contribution to helping the church open her eyes to another area we'd all much rather ignore. Pretend I'm Jackie Pullinger if that helps.

My father is on his deathbed. I will not go into detail because I know this will make most people uncomfortable. It is this discomfort that has caused me some trouble.

This is not the only big crisis situation I have found myself in in the past 3 years. in 2005 I had to go to the emergency room for something even more taboo.

It's not the actual being in these awful circumstances that I find half as upsetting as what happens after - the facing of the public who know very well that something big is up. When I say public, I suppose what I mean is church, work, friends etc...

The number of times I have come in 'fresh' from something terrible, and been met with blank faces followed by turning heads. By 'turning heads' I mean heads turning away from me. Silence. Awkward silence. Sometimes broken momentarily by a nervous comment or question about some totally irrelevant and trivial topic. Pretending we don't know what's happening.

Have you ever come home and found your makeup really obviously smudged, or something big and green stuck between your front teeth? Have you ever sarcastically thought to yourself "thanks for telling me guys."? "Someone who would tell me if I had something in my teeth instead of letting me embarrass myself for the rest of the day" has always been a quality I look for in friendship.

Let's use this same example for a crisis. A crisis is like a big wad of spinach in my teeth, only I know it is there. I am powerless to remove it. I am talking to you, my friend, and wondering how you will handle the situation. Will you point it out as if I didn't know it was there? Will you mention it in passing? Will you comfort me with a story of someone else who went through something similar? Will you ask me if there's anything you can do to help? Okay, enough with the spinach.

The first friend I confided in about my mental illness, the day I first plucked up the courage to speak it's name, responded with "well...um....okay, let's go upstairs." and that was the end of it.

I found myself in tears the day we were preparing to fly to the UK. Only, I wasn't crying over what I should have been crying over - my Dad. I was actually crying because I felt worthless and invisible. I often hear a soundtrack playing to my life, that day the song was Mister Cellophane, from Chicago. http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/chicago/mistercellophane.htm I don't think that's a song anyone should ever hear in church. One of my (and I'm sure your) achilles heels is insecurity. Having concern about whether my existence makes any difference to anyone in my life. It is an unavoidable concern for me, but definitely not unbeatable. In fact, I beat that concern to a pulp regularly, but it takes a lot of inner strength, something I didn't have much to spare that particular day. I cried. Tom tried to explain that it was just because people didn't know what to do. "So they do NOTHING!??" I screamed in his face. Nothing is still something, unfortunately for all of us who think doing nothing is the solution to an awkward moment.

Maybe it's just the way I was raised. Maybe it's because I've had more opportunities to get it wrong. Maybe it's because I find myself on the receiving end yet again. I don't think this is rocket science.

I've heard all the excuses:
- I thought it would be best to leave you alone
- I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable by causing a scene
- I didn't want to make you cry
- I'm not that close to you
- Everyone handles these things differently, and I didn't know which approach would be best with you

Okay, fair enough. All of the above are legitimate...except the first one. Leaving someone alone is not nice when they are struggling. All of the above are good, but to make them the end of the story is just wrong.

If anyone were to ever ask me what I message I would like to hear in a crisis, here it is, all or any:
- I'm here if you need me
- I'm praying, is there anything specific I should pray for?
- Do you need a hug?
- Do you want to talk about it?
- HOW ARE YOU? (NB: when asked with a real desire for an answer, this is my most favourite question in the whole wide world.)

Obviously if none of the above can be said with sincerity, then just something along the lines of "hey, I know you're going through some stuff, hang in there, everything will be okay" is a nice touch that doesn't bind you to any future action or effort.

I think the second list and the first list are not mutually exclusive.

It's all about choice. Okay, I am confronted with someone who has just come out of rehab/lost someone/had a divorce/gone bankrupt (you choose). How shall I respond to them? Shall I:

a) Pretend they are not here and make them feel invisible
b) Tell them to grow a pair, toughen up and remind them about world hunger? or better yet, MY problems?
c) Assume someone else will handle the awkward stuff and skirt around the topic?
d) Tell them to have more faith in God for a miracle, ask God what they have done to deserve it, tell them they need to pray harder?
e) Communicate to them that you know, and care...even if I am not a rocket scientist.

I think one (among the many) human desires is to love and be loved, to know others and to be known by others. I've lost the ability to fake it. I'm not interested in anything less that the real deal these days. Just FYI.

Here's my point - death, miscarriages, suicide attempts, mental illness, cancer - these are all part of life. Usually the person at the centre of the scandal has not made a conscious choice to get themselves into this mess, although they are responsible for responding well. As Christians I believe we specialise in life. Abundant life, complete with highs and lows, beauty and devastating ugliness. If you have avoided dealing with these issues in the past, I would encourage you to start considering them. At some point in your life you will encounter one or more, and without being obsessed, I think a little preparation and thoughtfulness would go a long way. What would you like if it were you?

I will also say that my close friends have offered support that I could only have dreamt possible. Thank you if you are reading this. You know who you are. Also, I do realise not everyone is like me and maybe lots of people like the sweep-under-the-rug response. Whatever floats your boat. This is my blog, so I thought I'd write from my perspective.

I love Hong Kong. The HK Government knows just how clueless the human race can be, just how much we need things spelt out to us. We have cute little advertisements on TV that tell us to cook seafood thoroughly, to wash our hands after we go to the toilet, to be nice to family members etc.. God bless the HK Gov. The one ad that used to air regularly in my youth went like this:
"when someone returns to work after recovering from a mental illness, be nice to them, treat them with respect and include them back into the workplace..." That was the specific ad that I most made fun of as a teenager who was always trying to be funny. Poetic justice.
How I pray that they would re-air that ad. God help us all.

Excited About Me

2008-07-24T23:28:00.000-07:00

We were in Sydney a week and a half ago with a group of about 10 friends, all in a minivan. I was pondering Mobile Me, but failed to remember it's correct name before I announced to the car that "I'm just so excited about Me!" After the chuckling died down I decided that I would stand by my original statement, regardless of the slip of the tongue. I'm excited about me. I'm excited about the me God created me to be. I'm excited about discovering who that is, more and more every day, and learning to align myself with that person. I'm excited at the possibilities of what can be accomplished through me, in the patch of this earth that God has entrusted to me. I'm excited about living an abundant life, and I fully believe "abundant life" means a life complete with highs and lows. I don't think one can ever really appreciate the highs unless one has lived through the lows as well.

I'm currently in a mixed state. I know it will be okay, and more than just okay.

Herald what your mother said, read the books your father read.

2008-06-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

Des'ree, a prophet of sorts....

Things I was taught by my parentals:

1 - Nothing is impossible, you can do anything you set your mind to.
2 - Never stop learning. Learning should be life-long, life-wide and life-deep.
3 - Work should be play.
4 - Keep an open mind.
5 - Dream big.
6 - Express yourself.
7 - Try things.

Why is it that it has taken me so very long to get a grasp on just how wonderful my parents are? This bothers me, but it's okay. Although I missed out on a lot of them during my childhood, God is redeeming our time together. I'm not going to have them around forever, so I am damn well going to make the very most of all the time we have together right now.

I have recently gained an absolute intolerance for certain things. Jesus paid a huge price for me to have an abundant life and I refuse to live a life that is anything but. My Dad is fighting cancer (and winning). Chemo sucks, so he's stopped. Instead he is going the uber-healthy lifestyle route which consists of the Budwig diet, exercise, time in the sun, rest, breathing exercises, natural supplements etc... I have joined him on most of these endeavors out of support and out of my own desire to be healthy. The thought now crosses my mind - why would I ever want to go back to eating artificial preservatives, refined sugar and saturated oil? Heck. I don't want that crap. Life's too short.

If it's good enough for Coldplay....

2008-06-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

Asia World Expo? Yeah, what? Chris Martin and I have some common ground now, I can sleep peacefully :) ha ha. Well, my mind continues to be blown on a daily basis. Part of me wonders how this can possible continue for much longer, the other part is too busy enjoying life to care. I sound a bit like I'm bragging, so allow me to add this disclaimer: Everything about me sucks except the God-part. Every single good thing I have is a direct result of Jesus Christ and His unusual desire to work with me. I have no complaints about this arrangement.

The first time I went to the Hillsong conference about 7 years ago, it took me about a day of feeling weird about the size of the whole 'production', and to come to terms with the issue of having to fly to Australia to have some famous big-name (I call them) tell me what God has to say to me. Anyway, once I made my peace with all of that, I got a crazy idea in my head. This in itself is not at all unusual for a girl with bipolar tendencies. The crazy idea of that particular day was that I wanted to be part of a big worship band. I wanted to be a singer, leading people into God's presence and giving it all. I then proceeded to reason myself out of such thoughts because this thought must be hugely common for most people watching Darlene sing. Everyone wants to be a worship leader, the only person who can judge motives is God himself. So I buried the thought. I've buried a lot of thoughts in my life, but I have found time and time again that a lot of them rumble in their graves. I don't know where this could all go, but I'm in it to find out.

My number one favourite thing about last night was singing in Mandarin. Mandarin is a beautiful language to sing in (unlike Cantonese:) there is something about the translation that reaches the very core of my heart. I love China. I love being Chinese and I love being Welsh. Every time I go to China, especially when on long bus rides I find myself overwhelmed with emotion, and imagine what it is is that I can feel the land calling out to God. Too cooky? I don't care. My eyes are hungry to see certain things and China being free to worship openly is one of the big ones. Maybe the biggest. I am fully confident that this desire will be satisfied in my lifetime.

Reinhard Bonke and Jackie Pullinger both have deliciously funny accents. It makes listening to them fun as well as inspiring. I would love to listen to them having a conversation about something they both feel passionate about. It would be even better if they could be dressed up as druids.

Learning

2008-06-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here at my dinning table, at my laptop drinking a mug of yummy coffee. We had SOME (not all) of our lovely friends over for brunch yesterday and in preparation it dawned on me to buy some real coffee grinds, pull the brand-new drip coffee machine off the shelf and actually use it! Easy now, Jacinta. Ever since I smashed my old plunger thing in a fit of clumsiness, I have felt unworthy of anything more than sachets of Nescafe and thus subjected my guests to the same shame. But the truth is, as much as I have come to love those sachets, I love drip coffee more. I prefer it above all other forms of coffee.

So here I am enjoying this Fair Trade cuppa "with slight undertones of vanilla", feeling a tad bit silly about not having used this machine sooner. It was given to us over 2 years ago. It's all reminding me of a little song I penned recently (I realise I am about to ONCE AGAIN do the ultimate mememe thing and quote myself (!), but if not on my own blog, then where, I ask you? And, surely the fact that I'm aware of how self-absorbed this is going to be counts for something... Anyway, the line goes "the scales have fallen from my eyes, revealing blessings in disguise..." - if you want to know how it goes, just imagine an old hymn without much variation in melody - not because I am going through an artistic old-hymn-phase, but because I'm not really good at writing music :)....YET. If anyone out there wants to teach me how to strum, call me! If you are wondering why Tom can't teach me, you are obviously not married.

What other super-amazing blessings have I been sitting on without realising until recently? Here's my list - I'd love to hear yours too:

1 - People. I am humbled by the company I keep. I've read (in a J Maxwell I think) that people are your biggest asset. This fact has come home to me recently. I don't mean I'm planning to use anybody, but I do get a lot out of people. I look around at the people in my world and genuinely feel head-over-heels in love with each one, even the ones I don't really know. I just look at them and catch a glimpse of some of the good stuff God has put there. It all started when Jackie P prayed for my eyes. She prayed that I'd start seeing differently, and it really has happened. I don't mean romantically in love - I'm not, I'm just in love with them in a Aren't-You-Lovable sort of way. Some are winning on the outside, some on the inside. It all blows me away.

2 - My parents. They are both very accomplished and kind, wonderful people. I missed them for a lot of the years I was away from home, but God has redeemed our time together and I enjoy them now more than ever. Cancer Schmancer.

3 - My health! I have been released from the chemical straightjacket I was in for 2-3 years. All my life I've been super active and healthy, but those few years on meds really knocked the wind out of me. I couldn't sleep, then I couldn't wake up, then I was too hungry, then I had no energy or prepare a meal of any nutritional value or to take care of myself...I was tempted to believe that was who I had become. I thought I had actually let myself go. No, it was just a temporary situation. I am so grateful that it's duration was so relatively short that the effects are still reversible. If you ever see me seemingly over doing it in the gym or being a nazi about what I eat, or painting my nails all the time, please don't judge me. I am not trying to be weird - this is the behaviour of someone who has recently been freed from prison. I have a lot of lost time to make up for.

4 - The tram. Super cheap, super convenient. Nice chance to chat with Tom.

5 - Facebook. In my short life time I have made pockets of friends all over the world, and now almost all of them are just a few clicks away. That is an unexpected blessing.

6 - Music! I sort of had a negative knee-jerk reaction to the failure of my dance business, The Point. For my 4 years in the studio I was listening to hiphop/pop on repeat to the point of nausea (can I get an amen from all the choreographers out there?). As a result, the tiniest sound of any sort of music brought associations of stress, panic, failure, fatigue etc that made my stomach turn. So I stopped listening to music for a long time. Even worship at church was a struggle for me. Ask Tom, he was not allowed to play any music out loud at home for years. I'm better now. I love music again. I love my ipod. I love worship. I love everything. "Jesus, you put music in my life..." - Matt Redman

7- Early mornings. By natural design I am an early bird. This got taken away from me by the evil meds-monster, but I've got it back again now. The illness and the meds caused me to sleep a minimum of 12 hour in a stretch. Because I struggled to fall asleep this meant I would sometimes not be up until way passed lunch time, or I would be walking around the office like the living dead. It's all over now! me and 6am are friends again and we couldn't be happier. Life is full of reasons to get up in the morning.

8 - My pastors and Elders and Vine forefathers. Boy do I love my church, and have so much to be grateful for to those who have enabled it to be what it is.

9 - You, whoever you are, who is reading this :) I love writing so much that even if no one ever reads my blog (which is usually my suspicion) I would still write it, but if you are reading and have read this far, then thank you :)

I could go on and on forever because every time I look around I see something else that is a blessing, but in respect for the fact that you probably have some other stuff to do today than read my ramblings, I will stop.
Soon.

Here are a couple more without elaboration:
- Free apples at PURE Fitness
- Alcohol sanitiser in the toilets at church
- Free phone for being loyal to 3 mobile
- Free will
- Joel Osteen
- SPCA vet prices

Okay, bye :)

Love it love it love it love it love it

2008-05-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

I am one happy camper today. Most days these days it seems. It's raining good things. I am drenched. When it rains it pours. One small thing that's been on my heart for a good two+ years since the last time I was invited to preach, was to preach again some day. That desire was met today, not once, but four times. Actually, lets extend the view to the last ten days and it would be 6 preaches in 10 days. That is God-style prayer answering. Thank you God. I'm so happy right now I don't mind if I never get asked again....but probably wouldn't say no if it happened :)

Yo

2008-04-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

Hi,
I heard a really good preach from which I have pinched a quote that helps me to sum up my instability about the missionary issue: "If you're a missionary, what does that make the rest of us?" - Rob Bell

Ha ha. I like that. As far as I'm concerned, I am also a missionary. I have given my life fully to the cause of Christ. I live by faith. I am a foreigner in this world because heaven is my home. If that's too cooky, I am a foreigner in this world because I am a Eurasian, and don't actually fit very nicely anywhere.

I am also a worship leader. My purpose in life is to encourage others to get a glimpse of how amazing God is and therefore worship Him. Do I play guitar? No. Do I sing? I try. Do I write songs? I try that too sometimes.

I am also a Catholic Priest. I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to swing this one yet.
_____________________

Here is a little something I wrote in my magic notebook a while ago:

Engage

If this is a race, I will run.
If this is a test, I will pass.
If this is a game, I will play.
If this is a song, I will sing.
If this is a task, I will work.
If this is my life, I will live it to the full.
If this is a feast, I will eat.
If these are your people, I will love.
If this is today, I will hope.
If this is your word, I will learn.
If this is a stage, I will dance.
If this is your path, I will walk.
If this is a joke, I will laugh.

Imagine

2008-04-08T02:50:00.001-07:00

Imagine if every time we looked at each other, we saw not what our earthly minds have been conditioned to see and judge, but instead we had the magical ability to see the true value God has put inside each person. How would we treat each other?
Imagine you were paid 100 times more to do the job you are currently doing. Do you think you would work differently?
Imagine you were completely confident in all your God-given abilities, that insecurity had absolutely no power over you. How would you present yourself?
Imagine you had the option of seeing every ounce of potential in you come to fruition. What would your fruit look like?
Imagine you had limited time here on earth to make a real difference. How would you spend your time?

Not ready to make a statement.

2008-03-02T05:49:00.000-08:00

I love Jackie Pullinger. I got to spend about 10 hours in her presence this week. Me and about 300 other people. What a great use of my time. She said many things that are revolutionary to me. Not only about serving the poor, I know that that is God's heart, I just let it slip down the priority ladder in the last couple years. She has brought it back to the surface again and now I am back on form.

Here are some of the other things she said that I will need to do much mulling over tomorrow when I have some time to myself:
- When I run out of my own heart, I will get God's.
- I need to question the biblical validity of boundaries, if I look closely I will probably find that being a Christian is all about not having boundaries.
- The collective cannot replace the individual - don't start planning to set up a ministry until I am doing it in my own life.
- Always give something.
- I cannot ask God for multiplication until I have given everything I have.
- don't worry about my calling, or my ministry. Just start helping people.

I have nothing I can add to this.

Clarification

2008-02-26T05:35:00.000-08:00

Hi,
Quick note - I don't think I expressed myself properly...I don't hate missionaries!! I think they are great and I have full respect for their willingness to go.
I've had a few experiences with some who don't really give other missionaries a good name, but I totally don't mean to generalise them all! Sorry if that's what it sounded like.
I've met some not-so-friendly ones and I've also met some OUT OF THIS WORLD wonderful ones:) More of those actually.
I say thumbs up to going and staying - both have merits.

SPREAD THE WORD!!

2008-02-25T04:12:00.000-08:00

Please read the previous post before reading this one.

These are exciting times! Somewhere around new years God gave me a very simple picture. He showed me holding a cup and trying to pour into all the ministries that I am involved in, and people in my life. It wasn’t working and I was tired and frustrated. God showed me the problem – the cup was empty! He showed me that I needed to be getting my cup filled before I tried to empty it out.

My interpretation of this was that there was a need for pastoral care in my life. The cool thing is, at the same time as all of this revelation was going on, God told me that things were going to get continuously better – not to get too precious or clingy about where I was on any given day, because the next day would bring something even better!

Anyway, that picture of the cup has been enlarged several times. It’s not just a case of me needing pastoral care, the whole church needs it! Therefore I took a keen interest in PLUS, and have now been appointed as one of the church’s PLUS Champions.

Yesterday Jackie Pullinger came to speak at the morning services. Our church has been making large moves in refocusing our efforts on the poor and those in need of social justice. When this new emphasis really started emerging last year, I was filled with dread. I was in such bad shape myself, that the thought of pouring anything out to anyone – regardless of how legitimately in need they were – was absolutely draining.

Since then God has done a major work in me. I am filled with His spirit, and full of energy and joy when I pour myself out for His work on a daily basis. What has happened? My cup is being filled! I have something to pour out now! Jackie will be leading a three day training in serving the poor this week at church. She invited us all to come, but asked that no one came unless they could come filled with gratitude. I’m there. I have 100% gratitude and am ready to serve wherever needed.

What about the rest of the church? I don’t honestly know. Here the picture of the cup has zoomed out to an even bigger scale. The whole church needs to have full cups. How do you get your cup filled? 1 – It is your responsibility to press in to God. 2 – Receive pastoral care from those in leadership over you. 3 – Be equipped and trained so that you know what you are doing.

This message bulges in me like a meal that was much to big to eat, but was eaten regardless. I feel like I have a message, but no platform from which to speak it out. I pray that God will let me be His mouthpiece, but I have also submitted it to Him – it actually matters very little as to who gets to say it – as long as it is said and it is met with willing ears.

I’ve often thought about missionaries. Truth be told, I’ve been pretty turned off by a lot of them. I’ve been met with attitudes that make me feel guilty for not being poor, inferior in God’s eyes because I care about how I look, selfish because I want my church to be equipped with really nice stuff. I can see both sides to the arguments, but I’ve generally been pushed to the side of “well in that case, I’m not a missionary”, and left it at that.

Now I feel that the whole issue deserves a second look. If a missionary is someone who leaves there home country to spread the gospel somewhere else. That’s not me. I feel very much called to be in Hong Kong, my home, and to put down roots that go deep. I personally struggle to see the benefits of being a missionary who hops all over the earth every few months at all, unless it’s simply to support the work of a local organization or church. I think you need to be planted in order to reap long-term benefits.

What do you call someone who, regardless of whether they are home or abroad, devotes their entire life to God’s work? A Christian. This work can come in many guises, and I think one of the church’s biggest travesties is to look upon one guise in holier light than another.

I think there is a lot to be said for the lone missionary, or small missionary family upping and going somewhere to give their life to God’s cause, I’m not adverse to it at all. But I’m not sure that would be the ultimate, best use of my life. What if I could be strategic about it? What if I could position myself in such a place that I was able to help mobilize a whole church to action? Even if the whole church didn’t give 100% of their time to serving the poor directly, but gave say, 5hrs a week, that’s 260 hrs of direct-God-work a year. A lone missionary working 16 hours a day every day of the year would work 5840 hrs a year. If we mobilized the whole church to do 5hrs a week each, a church of 800 people could work 208,000 hrs a year! It makes sense! And the best part of it is, they wouldn’t burn out, and the shear number would mean gifts and contributions of many styles and types. Sounds good to me.

Perhaps we should be tithing our time as well as our money. We all have 112 hours a week awake. So could it be that we should be aiming to give 11.2 hours a week to God to do with whatever He likes? If 800 people gave 11 hrs to serving God, we’d have 457,600 hrs a year! That’s almost 52 years worth of work for God’s kingdom in one year!!! We could potentially be in the process of waking a sleeping giant!

Yesterday when Jackie said she had lost all her friends who had spare rooms, I wanted to say "I'll find you some spare rooms Jackie", but I'd much prefer to say "we have 52 years worth of service to offer you!" Imagine. Maybe not everyone will be called to that sort of work...maybe we need some people to help maintain the church and do other important stuff too..even half will mean 26 years worth...that's still pretty good.

Disclaimer - I failed maths and I'm dyslexic. Nonetheless, I see potential here.

I LOVE CHURCH/I HATE CHURCH

2008-02-25T04:08:00.000-08:00

Last year was a really tough year for me. Something happened that I thought could never happen; I fell out of love with church. This is something that I would much prefer to keep to myself. I would rather continue the image I have of myself in my mind where I prance around looking happy and in perfect harmony with myself, my family, my church and my God (you guys all thought that right?). It turns out that I have come across enough people over the last couple of weeks who are going through something I can relate to. I feel compelled to say something.

Do the following ring any bells?
• I don’t feel fed
• The sermons are boring
• Why does worship have to be so long?
• I’m sick of church
• I don’t feel pastored
• I can’t hear God’s voice
• I’m trying, but something’s just not working
• I hate serving
• I don’t feel connected

If this is where you are right now, I have great news: there is hope!
I struggled with these feelings for several months. It was hell because I am not a complainer. I was robbed. I allowed the devil to throw a negative light on the church I loved so much, and, to add insult to injury, I was filled with condemnation for the feelings of dissatisfaction.

Finally God broke through and gave me a picture. I was thinking about how bad I was feeling, and also worrying about how difficult things were for me in the various ministries I’m involved in. God showed me that I had a cup in my hands, and that (not only as a leader, but also) as Christian; my job was to fill the cups of the next line of people. The problem was, my cup was empty. I was frustrated and joyless because my cup was empty. I needed to be filled up before I could be effective in filling the cups of others.

Immediately I turned - with a critical spirit - on my leaders and (in my heart) demanded to know why my cup was empty.
God stopped me right there. He is a God of decision. He lovingly laid the options out for me:

Option 1: Accuse my leaders of not doing a good job. (and stab people I loved very much, who were doing their best, right in the heart)
Option 2: Leave (not really easy for me seeing as I’m a Read)
Option 3: Welcome the revelation that THIS IS MY CHURCH! IF SOMETHING IS BOTHERING ME, I am in a blessed position to FIX IT!!!

I have gone with Option 3. Now, I am not in anyway in a position to overhaul the church, nor do I have the ability, anointing or permission to. My freedom came when I realized that I was responsible for how I was going to respond to the problem, and that God expected me to do all that I could do become part of the solution.

I am forever asking God to be patient with me, and I have come to expect Him to bear with me as I learn new and better ways of doing things and to afford me grace as I make mistakes along the road to heavenly perfection. The reason I was not happy was that I was not affording my church the same patience and graced that I expected for myself.

The truth is, The Vine is growing. We are going through growing pains. Many people don’t realize this because we strive to present ourselves with excellence in media, but the truth is, we have come a very long way. A few short years ago we were a church of 80 people. We didn’t have worship practice; we just showed up and winged it. We didn’t have a greeting team, we just expected people to figure things out for themselves. We didn’t even have pastors!

As I complained to God about how far we have to go, He patiently reminded me of how far we’ve come. The Vine isn’t perfect, anyone with any sense knows that. Problem is, I suspect, a few of us don’t have any sense! No, there are two sides to every coin.

Yes, we are all learning as we go (God reminded me that none of us have any experience in growing an international, all-age church!). Okay, I can accept that. Does that mean my feelings of dissatisfaction are not legitimate?

Absolutely not. If I try to swallow my feelings, they will resurface and taint every area of my life. Unhappy people do one of two things – leave, or murmur. Both are not good. Church is family – you don’t just walk away from family unless God is seriously calling you, and He doesn’t do that nearly as much as people like to say He does. We’re all in this together. Murmuring is poisonous. People get hurt, especially the leaders.

We need to bring things into the light so we can deal with them. What is required is an element of much needed balance. God doesn’t want me to be a Christian who runs for the hills (or another church) when things don’t go my way (I’d only find the same problems when I got there), I believe He is looking for people who want to take their part in making His house a wonderful place to be.

The pastors and the leadership can’t do it by themselves. There is room for me the equation. Not only is there room for me, there is a gapping hole that only I can fit. Not to sound arrogant, but it won’t be the same without me.
How am I going to give more in contributing to the improvement of the church when my cup is empty?
God always has an answer!

1- I can take personal responsibility for my own spiritual health. I can stop deceiving myself. Was I really doing all I could? The answer for me was no. The truth is I am the only one who will answer to God about this. My church is there to help, but the buck stops with me. If I’m really struggling, I should ask for help (which I have, I see a counselor).

2- I can join a PLUS group. This is The Vine’s model for providing all members with pastoral care. If it’s not fulfilling that function effectively, I can pray and check that I’m being reasonable, then I can talk to a leader about how I feel in non-accusatory tone.

The leadership knows that we’re not living in the ideal yet. We’re all working on it. Meanwhile I will take responsibility for my relationship with God and I can choose to be part of the solution.
If you want to be part of the solution, email me and I will have a Tshirt printed and teach you the secret handshake...um...now I'm just making things up...I don't know the next step...more to come soon!

Full of Hope

2008-01-18T03:17:00.000-08:00

Today has been another great day.

I am so happy to be part of a wonderful church. Sure, it is far from perfect, but we're all learning as we go, and step by step things are falling into place. For Christmas I was given a book by Joel Osteen called Your Best Life Now. I had previously past it in the bookshops thinking 'I don't know who you are Joel Osteen. How are you going to speak into my life? I think I'll stick with Joyce thank you very much', but the book was given to me, and I read it, a little reluctantly at first.

The funny thing is, half way through the first page I knew I was a fan of Joel's. As I was reading the first chapter, Tom was flicking through the numerous channels on offer in our hotel room in Cebu, and he stumbled upon a Larry King interview with none other than Joel Osteen! It turns out he is the pastor of what is known as the biggest church in America. Then when we got back to HK, I flipped on 60 minutes, and who was there? Joel Osteen! So I was pleased to learn more about this guy. I got to hear him defend himself against some really hard questions and got to hear the reasons why he is often criticised.

Anyway, I would highly recommend his book. If you are on the cynical side, you will call it prosperity gospel. You will call it cotton candy reading. You will call it positive thinking. I did. However, I having experienced the biggest breakthrough of my life since reading it, I would say - so what? What is wrong with a gospel that teaching blessing? What is wrong with looking on the bright side of things? If you ask me, it sure beats looking on the dark side of things! What would you rather be, positive, or negative? Cake, or death?

THIS IS MY YEAR!

2008-01-17T04:40:00.000-08:00

Hello to you, you person who I believe...in my mind...is reading this!

Life is SO GOOD. The last couple of months were the hardest ever, but the new year rolled in and somewhere in all the excitement all the crap rolled out. PTL.

Don't really know where to start...

Here's a list of good things in no particular order:

- I love my job at church.
- I love my husband because he makes me laugh til I need to pee (and sometimes worse) on a daily basis.
- I am free of the mental drugs that I had been on for two years and feeling GREAT.
- I have wonderful friends who I am excited about hanging out with more this year now that I am less mental.
- My dog is really cute.
- The VIne band recorded what sounds like it is going to be an AWESOME live album.

I have not done much running lately because I have gone and injured my last remaining good knee. I come from a family of dodgy knees so I am now thinking about alternative forms of exercise.

Okay, can't really concentrate right now, but thanks for dropping by!
Laterz

Hanging in there

2007-11-25T00:50:00.001-08:00

Sorry, I haven't been very faithful with my blogging this month. Circumstances beyond my control have made life rather difficult, but I'm still here and still alive and still running just about, so things will be getting better soon.

I just ran my longest run of the year today and Paula Radcliff came on my ipod to say well done, and when I got home to upload my results to itunes I found that my ipod has packed it in and is demanding to be restored to it's original factory settings. My triumphant run of the year has been lost. No glory record for me. Oh well. It's a fly on the turd of a ****** week. Sorry.

Okay, just wanted to say hi and that I will have my blog back up and running properly soon. Bye.

Stats

2007-10-26T03:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, here we go...

22/10 Distance: 8km Time: 49.52 mins Pace: 6.12 min/km Comments: Longest run for the whole year.
23/10 REST
24/10 Distance: 5km Time: 29.40 mins Pace: 5.54 min/km Comment: Finally under 6 min pace
25/10 Distance: 5km Time: 29.03 mins Pace: 5.47min/km Comment: Lance Armstrong came on my ipod and said well done for new PB, that's nice of Lance. I like Lance.
26/10 Distance 5km Time: 28.55mins Pace: 5.45 min/km Comment: Back at Happy Valley and loving it. We have forgiven each other and kissed and made up and promised to be nice to each other from now on.
27/10 REST

My dream is to run a marathon. There. I said it.

Getting there

2007-10-10T03:28:00.000-07:00

Saturday: Distance 6.85km Time: 49.16mins Pace: 7.12mins/km Comment: Victoria Park beats Soo Kun Po any day.

Monday: Distance 7.29km Time:45.2mins Pace:6.12mins/km Comment: I've seen worse.

Today: Distance: 7.49km Time: 45.7mins Pace:6.01mins/km Comment: I feel like my skin is made of sand.

Last year, or the year before(?) I attended a personal foundations course run by Jaime Simpson. It was really good. The first homework we were set was to develop 10 daily habits. This is not easy. I challenge you to try it, but don't set yourself up for a fall - I did. I don't know why I'm telling you this.

I FOUND IT!

2007-10-07T06:52:00.001-07:00

I FOUND IT!! It was there all along, but I was so blind!

That place? That place is the cross!! The cross is the place you finally find out who you are. It is the place where you arrive at the destination you've been travelling to all your life! It's where you add up all that you've ever accomplished, total it up, and realise it amounts to nothing in light of what happened there before you.

Why am I constantly trying to achieve? It's because I lose perspective and fall into the idea that more is more. And in most cases it is, but when it comes to following Christ, less is definately more. The less of me in the mix, the more there is of God, and taht is for sure the ratio we should all be wanting. The more of God in the mix, the more is achieved, and the funny thing is, the more that is achieved in partnership with God, the more it smacks of me, the individual - because God's like that. He's into you, the unique person. He wants you to get over yourself so that He can do his thing and then leave your finger prints all over it because He works through people.

What am I talking about? I think I'm having a very personal God-moment. I don't think I'm making sense to anybody else. I'd better take this offline.

Search for significance

2007-10-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

Last night Tom and I were guests at F852, The Vine's youth ministry. It was cool to be back there after so long (tom and I used to be the youth pastors). We talked about dreams, and what we wanted to be when we grew up. This led to me talking about my dancing past and has since left me thinking on it all - something for some reason I haven't really done all that much.

I can now say from experience that living your dream is not that place. You know? That place? That place you arrive at and then feel like you've arrived and you've accomplished something. Well, of course it all depends very much on what your dream is. Mine was quite an immature, self-centred dream. I wanted to be a dancer and dance every day and be known to everyone as a dancer. Having acheieved that dream I found that I still had not arrived in that place. I was still not satisfied. In fact, that whole thing turned into a massive burden, and then I even started complaining that I felt pigeon-holed as a dancer! I got what I asked for and then realised it wasn't what I wanted. It reminds me of a book I once read, the author was talking about the bulimic mentality: "I want it, I don't want it". That's what happened, I found something I liked, binged on it til I was uncomfortably full, and then puked it up.

Oh well, there is grace, and thank God, with Him, there is always a clean page to start on.

I now have new dreams, but this time I approach them a little older and a little wiser. This time I go forward with my eyes open, knowing that the achievement of the dream is not the arrival at that place.

Where is that place? That's a big question. When I find the answer I will write a book on it and give you a free copy.

Flip flops

2007-10-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

We're coming to the end of flip flop season. My haviannas died today. We had a big and exciting delivery at the office and in all the rush of emotion my thongs just gave out. After running around barefoot for half an hour stacking boxes into a cupboard I realised that an excuse to go out and purchase a new pair of shoes had just fallen into my lap from heaven above.

I snuck out of the office and went the the shoe shops - the real ones, where you buy real shoes - the kind that cost more than $300 and last more than three weeks. For once in my life I actually HAD to buy something, and for once in my life not a single pair of shoes called out to me.

Thoroughly disgruntled I left and headed back towards the Sheung Wan lanes. I got side tracked and bough five headbands. Then I stumbled upon a little shoe stall that sells shoes for $60 that tend to last one season. By this time the celotape I had used to attach my flip flop to my foot had given way, so I literally had to buy something or else walk back to the office shoeless.

The good news is I bought a new pair of shoes. They are surprisingly comfortable for cheapies. Stupid flip flops. This is not the first time it's happened to me. Bring on the boots weather I say. Screw you summer.

Singing

2007-09-27T19:40:00.001-07:00

When I sing I open up my throat like a frog. That's how I can hit the low notes.

Sky high

2007-09-25T03:36:00.000-07:00

My current excitement level is so high I can't function properly. I feel a bit sick. There is nothing better than loving your work. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. There are several things better than enjoying your work: knowing God, having a happy family, good friends, opportunities to minister all over the world, being called Mum by a 24 year old Asylum Seeker, having a roof over my head, food to eat, a great church among other things.

All that good stuff aside, I think that loving your job is still a very good thing. I've always believed you cannot be happy unless you're happy. That's not a stupid statement, if you look closely at it you will find that it's actually profound and that I deserve a Nobel Prize. This will be my third if I count correctly.

Anyway, I'm staying true to the cause - living the life I am destined for. I will not settle for having a day job and moonlighting as a happy person. It's just not me and I am fortunate enough to be a position where I can wait for the right thing. By God's grace the right thing just keeps coming.

As often happens to me, my life gets embelished with excerpts from musicals. The current song comes from West Side Story; Tony; something's coming, something good... no, this doesn't do it justice... here, have the whole song:

Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!

With a click, with a shock,
Phone'll jingle, door'll knock,
Open the latch!
Something's coming, don't know when, but it's soon;
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!

Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!

Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight..

Jacinta is the fastest gun in the west.

2007-09-17T23:59:00.001-07:00

I am so fast. I can do a million things before lunch time and then I sit staring at a blank computer screen wondering why I have nothing left to do. I can type my username and password into any website in less than two seconds flat and then I hit the enter key with such force and conviction; it scares me a little.

I'm all about crossing things off the list. I am not however, a perfectionist. My middle name is That'll Do. This is my biggest weakness. I have tried in the past to do something about it, but attention to detail is not easily learned. This summer I thought it would be a good idea to do a home-study course, so I bought one. It's a proofreading and copy-editing course. hmmm. Not a lot of forethoguht went into this decision. If it had, it would have occured to me that proofreaders are possibly the most perfect of perfectionists. Oh well. I'm doing my best. I got a B on my first assignment.

I bought a plant today, if you can call it that. It's actually more like a leaf that someone has plucked off a real plant and stuck in a little pot of soil. The audacity of this move had me so amused that I just had to fork out the 15 dollars to buy the thing.

Back by popular demand

2007-09-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

Distance: 4.8km Time: 31.14mins Pace: 7mins/km (because I walked home and forgot to turn the ipod off, I'm not really that slow) Venue: Soo Kum Poo x 4 laps

Happy Matthew? I'm really unfit!
I plan to take my HRmonitor in to get a new battery this week, so that should be of some help with the training. I find myself running with increasing numbers of gadgets attached to me. Maybe that's what's slowing me down. That must be it. I'm not unfit at all. I'm actually the fittest girl in the world. I'm in line to receive the Nobel Fitness Prize.

This will be my second Nobel Prize. I'm expecting one any minute now for a picture I drew last night on Photoshop. I got so excited about it, I emailed Stephen Fry to ask him if I could send it to him to look at purely for enjoyment. I'm still waiting for his reply. I'm sure it will come any time now. I love Stephen Fry.

I would like to sing a little song about my new favourite book:
Eats, Shoots and Leaves,
La la la la
What a funny book
Sha la la
Don't just browse at it in the airport bookshop,
Buy it and read it
It's really good
Ooh la la shamoah

WEEEEEEEE HHHHEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEE

2007-09-11T02:36:00.000-07:00

I'M going a little bit mad. I think the book is finished! I'm taking it to the printers tomorrow. It will be out of my hands. I have spent the majority of my time today staring at the wheel of death on my computer screen - you know, the one that pops up after the little watch decides whatever you are trying to do is going to take longer than the watch can handle. Why is my computer so slow? Maybe it's just that my huge brain is so fast. Probably.

I watched a fascinating documentary on the Discovery Channel last week. It was all about the rise in number of elephants attacking humans. It was amazing. What terrifying animals! You won't get me near one now.

The other day I also spent my first hour on Youtube, I watched tiger attacks and anacondas attacking various other animals, I even saw and anaconda facing off with a tiger. You;d think the tiger woudl win easily, but it didn't. I almost got killed until it finally decided to run away. The force of an anaconda or a retriculated python squeezing you is the same as having a school bus placed on your chest.

Skittles

2007-09-07T01:56:00.000-07:00

It's good to eat brightly coloured candy from time to time. It keeps you sane. Or perhaps it makes you a little bit crazy and that is a good thing because it's better to be crazy than sane because then you don't get upset by all the other crazy people around you. If you were completely sane you would have a very difficult time being understood because the majority of people are a little loose in the screws.

I was in slightly less pain during my run yesterday, so that is good news. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

Still no joy

2007-09-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

I'm still at it. I'm beating my body and making it a slave to me but it's still not fun. It used to be fun. I have faith that in about 50km it will start getting fun again. Meanwhile I have to bite the bullet and "just do it". For anyone else who is interested in being a runner, I like Art Liberman's plan, you can check it out at: www.marathontraining.com He gives you a good beginner's running schedule that progresses onto a full marathon plan. In the past I got about half way to the marathon, but then I crashed and burned for personal reasons. But the plan was excellent. It's well balanced and allows for plenty of rest and easy weeks mixed in with the longer runs.

When when when

2007-09-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

When you put your body through physical trial it should adapt and become more able to handle such treatment thus rendering you more fit. That's how it should work. There have been many a time in my life that I have tested this truth and been very happy with the results. I'm doing it again. I'm putting my body through hell, but nothing's happening. I've lost my mojo. I used eat 10k runs for breakfast and for lunch I'd have another 15. Now I can just about muster up all that I have within me to do 5. And when I do these 5 measly ks I am not a pretty sight. I am not a fair skinned person, but when I run I change colour like and English girl. Like one of those really pale frecklie girls who blush really bad. I stay that colour for about an hour afterwards. Oh how the mighty have fallen. This is what it means to be humbled. But it sucks! I'm not old enough to be this unfit. I'm not going down without a fight. This is war. The thirties are the glory years dammit. Things shouldn't start heading south til you're sixty. Sixty is an acceptable age to be less fit than you once were. Anything before that is inexcusable. Use it or lose it unfortunately. Even my eyes are deteriorating! I have glasses now!

Okay, enough complaining.

How it feels

2007-08-30T01:37:00.000-07:00

I heard a sound today that I have previously only heard once in my life. It was an amazing sound. The first time I heard it Tom and I were out walking and we heard it coming up behond us. It was getting progressively louder until we got so curious we had to turn around and see what was making this noise. It was pugs. About six of them. One guy was out walking six pugs. The sound was something of a cross between gasping and snorting. We were so amused that we stopped and talked to the owner who told us there were six more pugs at home. The total of thirteen of them all sleep in the one bed.
Anyway, I heard that same noise today. It was coming from me. I was running. I'm really unfit.

I've got nothing.

2007-08-29T00:21:00.000-07:00

I've got nothing to say. It's like my mind is a vast desert with tumble weed blowing around and a few vultures circling above. It used to be a lush amazonian rainforest filled with all sorts of interesting ecosystems. There were monkeys and sloths. The sloths were particularly cute to watch because they do everything in slow motion, like they have all the time in the world. I once saw one fall off a rotten tree branch. It fell into the river and was being swept downstream. It was paddling to save its life, but even this it did in slow motion. There's a sad ending to this story. A very large anaconda saw it struggling and followed it down the river. He got him and that was the end of the sloth.

Weird

2007-08-28T02:29:00.000-07:00

I wrote a whole post when I got to work this morning, then I got sidetracked by some real work (!) and then I ate lunch and came back and did more work, then it occured to me that I was in the middle of blogging but when I looked for my post it was no where to be found. Odd.

My hands were tied for about an hour today because I had to give the project I've been working on intensively for the past several months to someone else to proofread. It was really strange. There was absolutely nothing I could do in terms of work. I helped someone else with something, I finished all my other responsibilities, then I just sat staring at my computer screen feeling helpless, pointless, worthless. It's amazing the power that work has over me. Anyway, the proffereading was completed and I was back in action in no time. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself once the book goes to the printers. Then I'll really be sunk.

Sunday Roast

2007-08-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely Sunday roast at Tammy's house this afternoon. Lovely lovely. Thank you Tammy.

Tom is watching football on tv for the FORTH night this week. This is what happens when you have 10 sports channels. I will find other ways to entertain myself. I started my comic book today. Not like a Spiderman comic book, a book with cartoons in it, but I can't tell you the name of it until I've signed a major contract with a publishing company in case someone steals my idea. It's a very good one if I do say so myself. I think it'll just be a matter of time until someone offers me a big deal and I sign up for a lifetime of living off a passive income.

One time the major Read family was having lunch in Union bar and grill after church one Sunday, and I noticed a family on a table near by who I had seen at church earlier, I had never seen them before that so I assumed they were either newcomers or just visiting. We didn't really say hello to them because we were involved in our own conversations and didn't want to interrupt theirs. They finished their meal before us and left. When it came time for us to pay our bill the waiter said that it had already been paid by the people who had been sitting over there! So these strangers just blessed us for no reason. They did turn out to be visitors because I've never seen them again. Anyway, the point of this story, other than being a very nice story, is that that is what I plan to do with all of my passive income. I will follow people into resteraunts and pay thier bills.

Moodiness

2007-08-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

It's not good to be a moody person. I am a moody person but I'm slowly learning how to overcome that. You have to allow yourself to have emotions, or not have emotions, yet not allow your emotions to rule you. That's the trick I've been told.

I must confess I'm in a bad mood today, and it's for a really terrible reason. So terrible that I think I'd better confess it right now: Someone close to me got some really good news today and I didn't and I'm feeling sorry for myself. So there.

That's better. Confession is a wonderful thing. Now I am free to be happy for this person like I'm supposed to be.

So dumb, I did actually get some good news this morning, but it was so long ago that I've forgotten about it! I've been commissioned to illustrate a picture book! That's good news for me. How fickle I can be.

Discovery Bay

2007-08-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

LOVE IT! What were Tom and I thinking last year when we ALMOST signed a lease there and then got cold feet and chickened out?! It's amazing out there. It's a resort for goodness sakes. Who doesn't want to live in a resort?!

We've just come home from a wonderful day with the Rogers. Top notch family I must say. We started with brunch at the Flying Pan followed by swimming at the Siena club, then we had cheese and crackers for lunch and just hung out in their fabulous apartment. It all makes for a great day.

Tomorrow is the Vine office day away. We will be going to Joanne's uncle's house on Bowen road where we will do team building exercises. I love team building exercises. I loved Form Period at school, where we were taught life skills like "I feel...when you...because..." Great stuff, only when I've tried to apply them practically they don't always work. The much famed I-feel statement gets me no where when Tom and I are really mad at each other. It normally gets me a response of "Well I feel...when YOU... because..." and then we don't always know where to go from there. Thankfully it usually turns out all right.

I'm trying to get in the habit of writing all right, instead of alright. I found out that's the proper English way of doing it.

Sunday bloody Sunday

2007-08-19T06:57:00.001-07:00

It's been a good day - church in the morning, twice, lunch with the older Ma's, the younger Reads and the Bano's. Much tv watching in the afternoon followed by some journaling and emailing in the evening.

Journaling is so good for you. I'm talking about the dear diary... type on journaling, not the thus sayeth the Lord type. Although the latter is also very benficial as long as you don't get silly about it. Anyway, I had embarked on a wonderful project that lasted me two years - I was going to try to get my journal published because something interesting had happened to me that I thought other people might like to read about. It became a bit of an obsession and I quite literally found myself excusing myself from social events in order to go home an write. Anyway, tonight I decided that no one else really needs to be reading my diary for now (I think I'll give it to my grown child before I die). But for now it's quite healthy to have a place to record one's thoughts that no one else is going to read. It's very freeing. No need for formalities. If I want someone to know what I'm thinking I will write it on my blog.

Is blogging dead? Is anyone reading this? I don't really mind. I will keep writing anyway because I enjoy writing. I'm not claiming to do it because I think I will improve anybody's life in any way other than maybe to give them a sense of relief that they are not as confused or as messed up as myself. Ha! Kidding. I'm great.

As a dog

2007-08-17T03:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. I hate being sick. It's so easy to take health for granted. I got cocky and started skipping my vitamins because I was too lazy and now look what's become of me. There is a lesson in this people.

My brain feels empty. I'm working intensively on a project at church...well, as intensively as I can get on my personal scale of intensity. I don't usually work full time so I'm still a bit wet behind the ears. It's a whole new world to me, this working full time. Tom has welcomed me to the real world and told me to suck it up. Anyway, I'm working hard and I feel like I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. It's hard to be creative on demand. In theory there is no limit to ideas in the world, but sometimes it just feels like there is. For instance, I need to do the cover art for the book I'm working on. I have complete artistic freedom yet all I'm drawing are blanks. What do you do when you can do anything? Seriously, if you have any suggestions I would love to hear from you. It's a book on Creative Worship ideas.

One of the books I read over the summer on writing skills says that writer's block is BS. What makes a writer think they have the right to just be blocked? There's no such thing as doctor's block, or investment banker's block. It's creative people who are harder to work with. We seem to think our powers are somewhat mystical and we are subject to the ebb and flow of our mojo. It's self indulgent I say. I'm going to try and be more consistant in my output.

Sorry!

2007-08-13T17:43:00.001-07:00

Okay, so my daily blogging habit is taking some time to kick in to effect. I think I will renounce the solemn promise to do it daily and instead just try and do it more regualry. Less pressure mean it will probably happen naturally in time I think.

We had a fun day off yesterday. We went with Derek and Janice to Mega Box in Kowloon City. It's a huge new mall. We had lunch next to the ice rink, then went into a fantastic shop called Spotlight. It's all homeware sort of stuff, but they have a massive habidashedry section that would make anyone with an iota of creativity melt. I really want a sewing machine. I've convinced myself that if I had one I could just whip up these amazing dresses that all my friends would want to buy, thus turning me into an overnight millionaire... okay, I get a little bit carried away sometimes.

Anyway, next we went to B&Q (you can do it when you B&Q it). It was fun, but not as fun as in England. The HK version was a little more like Priceright than a DIY store. Fair enough.

Oh, this is funny, the next time you're on the MTR you should keep your eyes peeled at the posters lining the escalaters. There's one advertising some Chinese organisation whose acronym is AASS. If your maturity level is anywhere as low as Tom's and mine you will get a kick out if it.

Tears from the saints

2007-08-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

Most of today was spent at the Vine practicing the drama for tomorrow night's creative arts series at church (6pm). We are doing a drama to the Leeland song. I have to say, the guy/17 year old boy who wrote that song is something of a modern day prophet. It's phenominal. If you haven't heard it you should come to church tomorrow night.

I'm having a chilled night in with my dog tonight. I'm going through a bit of a reclusive, thoughtful season. I have to be careful here because it can be pretty unhealthy to be anti-social, but I have a loving husband who forces me out of the house pretty much daily, so I'm not really in any danger. I think it's good to have times when one is comfortable being on their own. It allows you time to hear yourself think, which in Hong Kong is a rare commodity.

I am feeling especially good today because I went for a run this morning - this has also become a bit of a rarity lately, so I'm reveling in today's victory. I must run daily. I will try and add it to my list of daily things that currently involves reading the bible, blogging, and now running.

I found out this week that you can make money by blogging! I'm intrigued. I will do some more research and keep you updated.

I have it on my heart to resurrect an old art project of mine from my uni days. I am still plucking up the courage though because it requires quite a bit of effort. It's a performance piece. Should I do it?

DOH!

2007-08-10T00:09:00.001-07:00

Okay, so my new daily blogging habit has not gotten off to the best start. That's okay. There is grace.

I'm sitting at my desk in the church office, a typhoon 8 is raging on outside. Tom doesn't want to go home yet because he and Joe have work that needs to be done on the computer here. That's dedication for you. I on the other hand am ready to leave. I'm working on a book project for church and I have been so submersed in it for the last 6 months that I welcome a break. I do love it, it just consumes me.

I feel like going home and sitting on the sofa with my dog on my lap, watching a movie. That is the best thing to do when there's a typhoon. The next best thing to do it put on your wellies and go outside for a walk in the elements until you are soaked to the core. Then you come home and change out of your wet clothes, take a warm shower, then position yourself in front of the tv. Yes. Sounds like a plan to me.

I don't have very much to say today, so I will not waste your time:)

A Fresh Start

2007-08-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

Hello! You know, I never knew how often one is supposed to blog. I thought it was just kind of a when-you-feel-like-it sort of arrangement. I read an article about blogging as a tool for writers today and it says I'm meant to be blogging daily in order for anyone to take me seriously. So here I am! I'm back and I'm going to make this a regualar thing. I'm looking forward to it.

I spent the morning at the hospital with Joanne who is doing really well. I like hospitals. I find them very calming. If there's one place where it's not such a disaster if something goes wrong, it's a hospital. Hospitals are full of people who know what they're doing. I like people who know what they are doing. I think there are too few of them in the world. In my world anyway.

I wish I knew what I was doing. I'm not sure if it's something that plagues all twenty-somethings, or if it's just that I am a struggler. All this not-knowing. I guess it's not totally true, to some degree we all know what we are doing. I am being a Christian in life and in work, I'm being a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a dog owner, an illustrator, a writer, a volunteer coordinator, a leader and a follower, good Lord. I think the problem is I'm doing so much I don't know what I'm not doing!

I think it is very important to know what one is not. I am not a children's pastor. I am not a guitar player. I'm sure I'm not a lot of things, but I can't think of many right now. I'm wired like this. I was raised to believe I could do anything I set my mind to, which, in man ways is a very good principle to teach your children, but when taken to the extreme (like in my case), it can cause problems. There is much peace in the not. I don't know the not very well. I will endeavour to help my kids discover their limits. Is that bad? It sounds bad. Maybe I'll think about this more when I have kids...
Yes, good plan.

A little bit thick

2007-07-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot. I'm a lot thick. Everybody, I need you to know that I am thick and I need to be spoken to in a very slow clear voice, or written to with as many adjectives as possible to ensure that I actually understand not only what is being communicated, but also the emotional state of the communicator. Then I should be able to cope. Otherwise this overly sensitive soul might subject herself to days of inner turmoil only to discover I didn't understand the original message. Please take a note on this people.

I've just come to the end of a wonderful 18 days in England (except for the last day and a half of inner turmoil - which I have now been relieved from). This is the perfect holiday for me. Lots of sleeping and watching tv and walking around town and going for drives in the country. I absolutely love it.

The thing I have been most impressed with is the world of British publishing. I have read 4 books in two weeks (this is a world record for a dyslexic gril like me) and they have all been excellent. The one I am enjoying at the moment is called God on Mute, by Pete Greig, it's about unanswered prayer and the place it has in every Christian's life. That's what I'm loving about English Christian books (and I am a bit of a Christian book connoiseur if I do say so myself) - it might not be because they are English - I might be biased - maybe it's just the books that I've happened to buy here.

Anyway, I love going deeper in the theological side of things. I think some other popular Christian books can be a bit too shinny and happy; you know, prosperity gospel and all. I have found this current book to be really balanced and this helps me avoid the risk of extreme doctrine, for example - if you don't get healed it's because you didn't have enough faith, every Christian should be rich, you're sick because you've sinned... These examples seem obviously wrong, but you'd be surprised what some people believe when they are vulnerable.

I think a lot of otherwise well meaning Christians find comfort in extremes, I know I have in the past. I now find even greater comfort in the fact that there is such a thing as a theology of suffering - it's okay if life isn't perfect all the time! You don't have to smile all the time! Phew! That's news to me! Just in time too, my cheeks were starting to hurt!!

Friends sweet friends

2007-06-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

We've just had a wonderful two weeks of wedding and family and friends visiting. All of this excitement has been great, it's always fun to catch up with loved ones...but it has also left me with a thought. I don't think those of us who live here, together, and see each other every day, should take each other for granted. It's nice to see people you haven't see for a long time, but it's also nice to see familiar faces. It just makes me a bit sad to think that if Tom and I moved away and then came back for a visit, that our welcome here would be a bigger deal than if we stayed and lived here all the time. I think we should all be celebrating each other all the time. I guess I just feel for the prodigal son's older brother... maybe that's not realistic though.

EEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2007-05-10T03:24:00.000-07:00

Ohmigosh! Like, I am so Hoo Hah wee hee hee excited! I am having dinner with MATT REDMAN tonight! WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!

I'm a wee bit star struck and I haven't even seen the poor guy yet. God help me. I've GOT to pull it together. This is not cool at all.

Okay. I'm over it.

So let me tell you a funny/scary little story about what I did with my time yesterday... My complete throwing of caution to the wind surprised even myself...

I sell vitamins. I am in the health industry. I love God and I love the fact that God heals today. All of these factors came together yesterday when I was invited to go along and meet a Christian doctor who has a healing ministry and produces his own line of supplements... now, straight away I was a little wary because I believe that vitamins should be of pharmaceutical grade, not just produced in anyone's kitchen. I thought it would be a good idea to go along and meet the guy anyway. So I did.

To cut a long story short, I met him, he asked me if I had any pain, one thing led to another and before I knew it I was letting him inject me about thirty times with his homemade herbal concoction.

Stupid. I know. I can hardly believe it myself. It's just, I had a brain fart at the exact time it all happened and I just sort of let it happen.

So anyway, I am in pain and will be for another two days. He says after that I will start to see improvements. We shall see. I can't knock it until I've tried it... hang on... nah. I have an open mind (as I think I have now demonstrated). I will give this a go.

Meanwhile I have taken a mental note - it should be think first, jump later, not jump first, think later.

Watch out

2007-04-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'll be up front about it. This blog of mine is seriously in danger of being pushed to the side by the new kid on my block - facebook. If you're not on facebook, go to facebook.com and sign up and then get me as a friend. I'm on a mission to feel popular. I'm hooked. I don't even know why... it's just fun seeing what everybody's up to, and getting in touch with complete randoms from the past.

I got so excited about the online networking thing that I also decided to join myspace (even though I'm like a million years later than the rest on the world on the uptake). I don't find myspace as straight forward as facebook. My page is sure ugly to boot. I don't have to computer savvy to make it look any better. I will have to track Tom down when he's in a helpful mood.

SO we just got back from our mission trip to the UK. It was great. It was a lot of fun seeing Chinese kids with heavy northern accents. Loved it. It is a lot of fun traveling with a band. I think a certain (low) level of sanity is just part of The Vine DNA. It's great. Nothing is ever too serious, but the worship times are always so precious.

I'm taking singing lessons! Me May Mah Mo Moo! SO FUN! LOVING IT! I figured since I've been singing on the worship team for a good 13 years now, it might be a good idea to actually learn how to sing! Ha! The solo album will be out next month.

As for me, I'm jetLAGGED! I thought I had beat the system by sleeping the entire plane ride and then all the way through the night, but when I woke up today at 3pm I realised it was the system that had beat me. Oh well, it makes life interesting. See ya!

wo de zhong wen xin

2007-03-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

I love china. The heart I have for China is huge. I love it. We sung in Chinese and nobody laughed at us!

We just got back from out mini tour to Shanghai and Beijing. Both stops went really well. All our plans went out the window and there was much drama along the way, but at the end of the weekend God's name was lifted up and we had an amazing time. We met some really wonderful people - David and Victoria PLEKham, OBE Robert Glover, Orlando Bloom Thomas, Danny and Jill, Ryan and Amy from Barbie and Ken land, Elena from CUTEtonia... it was great.

It was awesome bonding time with the band as well. I had bronchitus, so that sucked, but it was no biggie. I did my usual manic-worship thing anyway and felt no worse.

I got to eat my favourtie thing - toffee crab apple on a stick. Yum. So far I've gotten to eat it once a year for the past three years, so that's okay.

We've got one weekend here in HK and then we're off to Wales for a conference. All this traveling means we're missing out on a lot here at home, so I'm looking forward to some down time when we get back from this trip.

That's all from me for now - got to go to worship practice... "I could, will and am singing of your love forever..."

Top ten

2007-03-20T03:05:00.000-07:00

Here is my life's current Top Ten (excluding family and friends because that would get way too complicated)

10. I can't do this in order, it's not nice to rank things. Okay, my top ten are in no particular order...

- The Asylum Seekers at the Vine.
- Desperate Housewives
- My pug Diesel.
- Oat cakes.
- MacBookPro
- The Vine Christian Fellowship
- Wacom Tablet
- Earl grey tea
- 360
- The Worship team

Okay, now my bottom ten things:

- my hair all over the bathroom floor
- meat
- oversleeping
- not getting all my laundry back
- singing out of tune
- soft drinks
- blisters
- chesty coughs
- doughnuts
- not running

We're getting ready to do our mini China tour - Shanghai and Beijing in three days. Goodness me. We've learnt how to sing Desperation Song in Mandarin. It was quite easy for me since I did Manadarin up to high school level. It's been really fun teaching it to Tom. Have you ever seen that episide of Friends where Joey is trying to learn French for an acting job? Ja Ma Pelle Claude... blao bing blu Claude... That's what it's like.

g'day g'day

2007-03-09T23:16:00.000-08:00

Here I am in Australia. I here on a three and a half day trip for a business convention. This is the first time I have traveled without Tom since we were married five years ago. I am still alive. Barely. Nah, I'm okay. Just about.

The conference was really good - not as good as the Hillsong conference, but I mean, that's in a league of it's own. I was attending the Asia Pacific conference for Usana Health Sciences. I absolutely loved it. I have learnt lots about the human body and nutrition and health and enjoyed being motivated by some world class speakers. One guy was called Denise Waitely - he's coached Olympic athletes and astronauts. He was a fantastic speaker.

I'm really excited about my vitamin business. Back in high school when it came time to choose what to study at university I thought I wanted to be a doctor. Unfortunately by this time I had already given maths the finger, so I wasn't eligable. You need maths to be a doctor. So, in some small way, doing this Usana business is helping realise my dream of helping people. I tried to do it as a personal trainer, but that wasn't enough.

Now, I'm not comparing myself to a doctor or anything, I'm just saying that I'm really investing in learning about nutrition. Two real doctors I met through Usana told me that they spent less than two hours learning about nutrition in all their years at medical school! Doctors know more about drugs to treat illness then they do about healthy nutrition to prevent it.

Our products truely make a difference in people's lives. And giving people an opportunity to earn extra income is an added bonus. It's win win win all the way round!

So, sitting there in the auditorium yesterday I made a commitment to myself. Here it is - I am going to give my Usana presentation to every person I know. It may or may not be something everyone's interested in, but it's just too important to keep to myself.

Okay, so look out world! Here I come!
Only about 22 more hours til I see Tom!

Eellooh can I dak to yer mommy pleEese?

2007-02-22T02:46:00.000-08:00

We're in the Philippines! I'm accompanying Tom as he does a worship seminar in Dumaguete this weekend, but since it was Chinese New Year we decided to stop off at my parent's flat in Cebu for a couple of days first. Good move. Love it.

So, if you're wondering what the title of this blog means, allow me to explain. I was quite neglected as a child. I had many hours of solitary play time every day while I was growing up. Usually I would go downstairs and climb trees or mountain drainpipes, but occasionally when I didn't feel like going outside I would have to find a way of entertaining myself indoors. My number one option was to lock myself into my parent's bedroom, pile all of the bedding as high as I could onto the bed, climb onto the sauna (yes, they had a small sauna in their room, we had a really big flat), run and jump off it, onto the bed. Second option was to watch a video. Prank phone calling ranked somewhere about third. My absolute favourite was to call someone and say 'hello, can I talk to you mummy please?' in the thickest Filippino accent I could muster up. I don't know why. It was just very fun. You should try it some time.

So anyway, here we are in Cebu. Today we decided to venture out to the Shangri La. We've spent the day swimming and sunbathing. I don't really have much to report about this. Oh, there is one thing. Tom and I were sitting side-on to the sun for most of the afternoon and now we are only tanned on right sides of our bodies! oops.

Okay, on that riveting note I shall say goodbye. Goodbiiiyye. oh oh sigenah.

Ni Hao

2007-02-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

We just got back from an overnight trip to Dong Guan where we led some worship at a young adults fellowship there. It was so fun. I could get used to traveling to do worship... which works out nicely since we have another three trips around the coming up around the corner! God is good. God is good to me.

I had a very vivid dream last night in which I went boating down a very cool obsticle course river, then I went around telling everyone that the highlight of my weekend was going on the river, then I made several mental notes that I must blog about this amazing trip down the river. Then I woke up and realised it was just a dream and that I hadn't actually done it and had nothing to blag about afterall. It was a little bit disappointing.

I've had two absolutely terrible nights of sleep this week. One of them involved not one minute of actual sleeping, but lots of tossing and turning, the other one involved lots of interrupted sleep. Sleep is so important. It's one of the pillars of good health. I went a bit mental after not sleeping this week, so yesterday I went to bed at 4pm, ate dinner at 8 and went back to bed. Now I feel alive again. It's good to do that once in a while I think. Not being able to sleep sucks. I usually just get up and try to do something productive, but that usually just gets me even more excited and then I really can't relax. Anyone have any tips?

Tom was such an unfunny jerk last night. He woke me up at 1:45am and said "don't you have to go to the morning service? You should get up and shower now!" Then he spent some time laughing to himself. He's not funny at all. But I guess I still love him.

I've also decided to start running again. I don't think it's good for me to not run. I don't like feeling unfit at all.

My final piece of news is that I have to wear glasses now! I held out for a long time, but the other day I decided to bite the bullet and get my eyes checked. This is just one more of those little reminders that I am actually getting older, even though I still feel like I'm 14. Sometimes I still feel like I'm five. Another reminder that I'm getting older is when people ask me if I have kids yet. What!? Kids!? But I'm only 5!

LOVE IT.

2007-01-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

Love it. Love it. Tom and I have just had two weeks off work and are feeling totally relaxed. Love it! What have we been up to? Not too muc actually. We decided to stay in Hong Kong except for one day trip to Shen Zen. We watched a lot of TV, we walked around Causeway Bay a lot, we went to Sai Kung and DB. All good stuff. Love it. I think staying home for a holiday might actually be more relaxing than going away - there's no pressure to make the most of an expensive trip somewhere and you really get to enjoy your home. We are major home bodies. Love it.

The highlight of my holiday was starting reading a book Tom bought me for Christmas. It's a Self-Help (my favourite genre) called "What do I do when I want to do everything?". It is the perfect book for me. I am the Queen of being a Jill of all trades. I couldn't choose a career path if my life depended on it I don't think. There are just so many wonderful things to do out there and I want to try my hand at most of them. The name given for people like me in this book is Scanners. We scan the surface of a wide range of things as opposed to specialising in one or two. This is the characteristic of me that drives Tom the most crazy - he is a specialist. He does Worship and media. It's hard for specialists to understand scanners. For me, it's a huge relief to have found a book like this because for the first time in my life I'm being told that it's okay to be a scanner. It doesn't mean I suck after all! Phew!

It's actually very biblical - some are given one talent, some five, some ten... It doesn't make anyone better than anyone else I don't think - it just makes us all different in our orientation and how our brians are wired. It also means I have a responsibility to do everything that I can. I will have a go at this and keep you updated on the prgress - we'll see if I make it through a week of allowing myself to be interested in everything that interests me. I am calling this project 'Jac (of all trades)' and if it is sucessful I will get myself a sole proprietorship and make a business of it.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T19:59:00.001-08:00

Hi! It's been a wonderful holiday season. It's been busy - full of lots of events at church and lots of family time. Good stuff.
First was the City Wide Renewal event at Hong Kong Stadium. We did a worship set for that. It was a cool event - they even did our makeup! I was the only girl on the team so I guess they did MY makeup - they would've done the boy's too, but they politely declined. Later when we were watching the opening from the dressing room and they saw all the floodlights washing out everyone's features they all regretted thir decision.

Next was Christmas eve at The Vine. What an amazing event that was. I wish we could package it and send it all over the world. Mulled wine and all. I propse we record a live Christmas album. We'll see if anything comes of that.

Christmas day was packed full of two families complete with two Christmas dinners and two rounds of gifts! I scored big time this year! Not that that is what it's all about. I got a beauty treatment, boots, slipper, a new Wacom tablet, books... Love it.

Then we had one glorious week off work! Well, I took time off two out of my four jobs. I forgot to tell the other two that I wanted a holiday.

New Years Eve Thirst was an absolute blast. DJ Andy Hunter from the UK was there to get us all pumping and he did a great job. I've always found my most intimate times of worship in a night club oddly enough, when my old friends were off pulling guys, or just trying to look sexy I would close my eyes and dance with Jesus (sounds a little corny I know) so to have a Christian DJ worship leading as we danced was like a dream come true!

This week we have Resonate Conference with Reuben Morgan from Hillsong church. Should be great. THEN, the icing on the cake... we get another TWO WEEKS off for our annual leave! WOOO HOOO!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

Killing TIme

2006-11-09T02:41:00.000-08:00

Killing time has got to be a sin of some kind. We only get 24 precious hours in a day, and I seldom feel like I have time to do everything I want to do, yet right now I find myself killing time.

I have to teach a class at the gym in an hour. My third class of the day. Should be good. I have developed a new form of stagefright. I feel sweaty, and sick to my stomach before teaching a class. I don't know why. I'm prepared, and I know what to expect, and the members are 99% beginners, but I still feel awful. I need some prayer!

I've had a busy week so far. I am learning about network marketing nutritional supplements. I am still in the beginning phase, trying to overcome any prejudices I have towards the idea of it. It seems okay so far. It's legit. I will fill you in as I go.

Better go.

House church

2006-10-29T01:13:00.000-08:00

Yey! What a great day. I am currently in my parent's house in Sai Kung visiting my Dad who is in the forth stage of liver cancer. I've been devastated about his health all week and just really feeling helpless. Then God stepped in and reminded me that He is here, and has gifted me with all I need to make it through life.

I decided to hold Family Church. I would be the preacher, Tom the musician and my brother the elder (to annoint my Dad with oil). I was really nervous and fumbled my way through the keynote presentation I had prepared in the morning. All in all it went very well. Everyone was very receptive and we all layed hands on him and prayed at the end. This is the first time my whole family has prayed together like this. Good stuff. We didn't end up singing though, maybe next week.

Tom and I have made a bold declaration to my family today - that our God heals. If you have a moment please say a prayer on behalf of my Dad - that God will prove Himself faithful.

Thanks,

Back in the flow

2006-10-11T04:46:00.000-07:00

Hello, I'm writing to you from Myoga, the place that I am now working. I've just finished my first class and I'm waiting to start the next one. This place is super nice, but there isn't really anywhere for instructors to hang out while they wait for their classes. My Pilates class went smoothly, but very slowly. It's amazing how incredibly slow time can move sometimes, and how fast it moves at other times. I got three quarters through my material and realised only 20 minutes had past. I hate that. I spent the rest of the class stalling and trying to think up more exercises. My next class is Stretch. Fun, I love stretch classes because they are very easy. There's really not much to it. Oh well, I'd better not stay on the computer too long seeing as I'm staff. Laters.

Victory?

2006-10-07T01:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it's the end of a tough week. I don't know if anyone can understand this, but I'm going to write it anyway. I was invited to do a cycling instructor's training course at California Fitness - it's like Spinning, but by a different company. I really wanted to do it because I love instructing and could do with the exercise. My doctor and another advisor said it would be a really bad idea for me to do it because I have a condition that means I need to keep my adrenalin levels low. So all week I was back and forth - shall I do it? Shall I not? It is wise? Can I overcome my weaknesses? I'm going to do it. No, I'll lay it down. All week. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Can anyone feel my inner turmoil? It was tough. I finally decided that I would do it, but when I got up this morning and showered, ready to go, I just knew I shouldn't do it. So I texted the guy in charge and let him know I wasn't coming and my flesh was SSSCREAMMINGG what are you doing Jacinta???!!!

So I'm not doing it. It was not an easy decision. I will have to specialise in mind-body exercise rather than energy/endurance. Only people who like to workout could understand how big a deal this is. I'm going to have to start watching what I eat now. Yes, that will be my new thing - I will be a health food freak. Nutrition is the medicine of tomorrow.

Mouse hunt

2006-10-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

Tom and I are sitting happily at home in the living room indulging in a little googling at the box. It's been hard earned, we've had a full on weekend again with the Cleansing Stream retreat. We sung for hours on end, it was endurance worship. Good stuff.

We finished eating lunch at 5pm today! And went straight to HMV to buy My Fair Lady - one of my childhood classics. We watched that (I especailly like the Enery Iggins song), then we watched America's Next Top Model - also one of my favourites, now we are watching Mouse Hunt. Stimulating viewing. I just keep thinking 'Who's going to clean up that mess!?'

We're looking forward to TWO DAYS OFF! Woo hoo!! I'm so excited I hardly know what to do with myself. I will plan to go on some nice long walks.

Spanner in the running works

2006-09-21T05:40:00.000-07:00

Well, my grand plan of running my marathon has been foiled. Doctor's orders. Too much adrenaline is very bad for me. I can't go into details but I've heard it from two experts now. So long distance running is out.

Pilates and gentle gym classes are in. I'm starting an aprenticeship with my new friend Sofia in her studio Cornerstone. Great stuff. I'm already a mat work instructor, but I'm new to the machines. Man, I'm hooked, they rock.

I'm also about to rehash my old fitness career and jump back into instructing. Should be good. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also pretty nervous. I'm not as strong as I was just five short years ago. Use it or lose it.

Still up

2006-09-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hi. It's me. I'm here in the living room. Typing away in the dark. Everyone else is asleep. We have a house guest at the moment, a singer called Latonya. She's really cool and man can she sing!
I have very little to report. I guess I've been a bit blog-shy lately. I haven't logged my last several runs either.

I'm wondering how my computer knows it's dark. The keyboard lights up in the dark, but how does it know? I really like it.

Does anyone know the distance of the Victoria Park running track?

I can't think of anything to say so I will not waste any more of your time!
See yas.

Sleepless in Causeway Bay

2006-09-01T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's almost 2 am. What is wrong with me? I took some medication this morning that made me so drowsy that every single person I came into contact with from that point forward asked me if I was okay, I had no choice but to drink two cups of coffee and some Red Bull just to make it through the day. And now here I am. I have now taken a sleeping pill and am waiting for it to kick in. So far no sign. It's kind of like that episode of Desperate Housewives where Linnet takes her kid's ADD meds. Only not quite as bad.

We had a wonderful time at the DB soft launch no 2 tonight. It was a lot of hard work, but fun enought to compensate. It's a project that is on such a scale that it would literally be impossible without team work. If everyone suddenly decided they couldn't be bothered, then it just wouldn't happen. But if things keep going the way they are, we'll be laughing. It's so much fun getting to know the team and having the joint mission. Good stuff. Wouldn't miss it for anything.

This is a first - Tom is in bed sleeping and I'm out here on my computer. This NEVER happens. Well, I'd better sign off or I'll end up writing a thesis. Hopefully by the time you read this, I'll have had some sleep. If you're reading this RIGHT NOW, go on ichat.

See ya.

What a week

2006-08-31T05:02:00.000-07:00

Hi,
Man has it been a hectic week! Things are really busy at church. The deadline for the album artwork is tomorrow, so Tom's been working on overdrive. Hopefully it will all come to an end, or at least a lower gear soon. Maybe not though - we do still have th DB service to contend with. Talk about abundant life!

Well, I've had a long week without running. I actually pushed myself too hard last week and came away with a calf injury. It's better now, so I ran again today. I've also decided to chill out a bit. I got too excited by the encouragement I'd got from posting my times on this blog that I kept trying to break my record every time I ran. Not smart when you're training for endurance... at my level at least. I'll only end up with more injuries. So no more, the point of me posting here is to keep myself accountable, not to compete with myself.

Distance: 5miles Time: 51mins Pace: 10.2 mins per mile Ave HR: 154BPM

Oh Mandy

2006-08-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

It's Mandy Lee's 28th birthday today! I will not be able to go for my usual Monday long run because we're going to Lamma. Hopefully I will get a chance to run this evening, but I'm not counting on it. I'm looking forward to a good day of hanging out with cool people though. I haven't been on a hike for yonks. I'm not a huge fan of seafood, but I can usually find ways to stuff my face in Lamma. We shall see.

Tom and I are both sitting at our dinning table on our macs. We're a happy little family. We almost have everything we need in our new home now - the only thing missing is a stove. We only have a microwave to cook with at the moment, so we're eating a lot of cereal and sandwiches. I don't think either of us can face any more 7-11 food. I will go on Asia Expat in a minute to try and find us something.

Once we've got something to cook on I'm going to give Linet a run for her money. NOT! I know how to choose my battles.

Okay, hop to it Jacinta. Se ya guys.

cooler pastures

2006-08-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

Hi,
I've taken my running in doors to California Fitness. I couldn't take any more heatstroke. Nah, the real reason is that I don't want Tom to regret getting me my gym membership. Happy Valley is still no. 1 for me.

OK, the first indoor run:

Distance: 4 miles Time: 40 Mins Pace: 10 mins per mile :( I deleated the rest of the stats off my watch by accident.

Today's effort was sidelined by my sense of urgency to get home - we're about to go to Disney Land. I cut my run short because I didn't want to keep Tom waiting. As fate would have it, I am now waiting on Tom to finish up his work on the album cover. He's really into it. So, for no reason I did not achieve my day's goal of 9 miles.

Distance: 7.5 miles Time: 70 mins Pace: 9.3 miles per hour Ave HR: 141 BPM (I think because of the aircon.

It was pretty cool. I had to take a break from the tredmill because I HAD to go to the toilet. In the changing room I bumped into Jean, a chick who I used to work with when I worked at California. She said they had been trying to get hold of me last year because they wanted me to come back and teach and wanted to know if I was still interested. So nice to have opportunities just given to you! I will wait and see if anything develops out of this. I must say, it's quite nice to get paid to exercise.

Use it or lose it

2006-08-16T05:22:00.000-07:00

Hi. I played a shockingly poor worship set this morning for the Asylum Seekers. I didn't practice all week so I went to church early this morning but was so tired that instead of cramming in a practice I had a snooze in the green room. IM SORRY:(
They were beautiful as ever though. Man, if you ever want to meet someone who can back up all their arguments with scripture references off the top of their heads, say hello to the Togo boys. I sit in humble admiration of those guys. How is it I was the one trying to lead THEM in the bible study??

I continued my below standard day with two Word files worth of amendments to write into one of my articles. The editors were not at all happy with my efforts. I overted a nervous breakdown by reminding myself that it's not personal. Okay Jacinta? Just because you used the American spealling of 'offenSe' doesn't mean they hate you.

One thing that did come to mind though is this - I am ever grateful for the sheltered life that I now lead in the church. Everyone in The VIne is friendly, encouraging and affirming. I have lost my thick skin to the point that I almost cry at the sound of a little criticism. It's not that I can't handle criticism, it's just that I'm not usually expecting it so it comes as a shock. I think this is a good thing because I used to be a real hardass who wouldn't cry for aything. In God's family we're good to each other and I'm so used to it that I'm surprised by anything less. I think it's meant to be that way round. Well done everybody!

Next stop on my loser train of a day was an attempt at a run at Happy Valley. I don't think I've fully recovered from my 8 miles the other day, so it was a bit of a non-event.

Distance: 2 miles Time: 19mins Pace: 9.7? mins per mile Ave HR: 151 BPM

Finally I came home and realised that I just needed some quiet time (and some loud time with my guitar). It's all going to be okay.

Back in the flow

2006-08-14T05:18:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo. I'm in a good mood because I just had a great run. It's been a long time since it's felt easy. Life is good again.

Distance: 8 miles Time: 73 mins Pace: 9.1 mins/mile Ave HR: 162BPM

Yey.

Heatstroke

2006-08-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

Hi

Distance:4 miles Time: 39 mins Pace: 9.7mins/mile Ave HR: 163BPM

bleh

Yum Ma

2006-08-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

We had dinner at Cliff and Linet's place the other night. Man can that girl cook! She likes to blog her dishes, so I thought I'd be funny and blog her blogging. It all got quite complicated.

I'm taking a break from wiring to blog because I thought it would destress me, but actually the fact that I'm neglecting my work is making me more tense. I'd better go!

Back log

2006-08-09T00:38:00.000-07:00

Hi, I forgot to log these:

05/08/06 Distance: 3miles Time: 34 mins Pace: 11.3mins per mile :( Ave HR: Didn't write it down.

07/08/06 Distance: 3miles Time: 28 mins Pace: 9.3 mins per mile :) Ave HR: 161BPM

09/08/06 Distance: 5 miles Time: 47.3 mins Pace: 9.4 mins per mile Ave HR: 168BPM

Home Sweet Home

2006-08-07T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm happily sitting in my living room now. I'm so glad to be home. There's no place like home. I have the flat all to myself today because Tom is out playing with Matt Cook and Mark Nam. They have gone in search of the cafe Derek recommended to the world. I am feeliing really good about myself because I have written two articles two days early. I can really work fast when no one is around. I love this job at the moment. I want to be a writer when I grow up.

Church was cool yesterday. It felt like the first day back to school - seeing everyone after their summer holidays. We really are just one big family. I love it. We also celebrated Nate's 25th birthday with a party in the lounge and a Taylor guitar!! I don't know much, but I do know that that is a good gift!

I'm going to go and do some housework now, then go for a run, then I'll feel REALLY good about myself!
bye.

2006-08-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

I just thought I'd take this moment to introduce my little girl to the world. Her name is Diesel. She is almost four years old. She likes to sit on people's lap, she likes to steal people's underwear and run away with it, she likes to play catch and she likes to shake her butt (because her tail is all curled up, she can't actually wag it).

Singapore

2006-08-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

Hello. I'm writing to you from the airport lounge in Singapore! Our flight got diverted due to a typhoon in HK. I'm upset because I'm missing the typhoon. I love typhoons!

We spent the night trying to sleep in armchairs in the Cathay lounge. Not the most comfortable, but not really bad. We get to eat snacks and have free drinks. It's all a big adventure really. The airport in Singapre is really happening. Lots of shops that haven't closed all night.

We've had a great trip. It feels like we've been away for much longer than a week though. Time moves very very slowly in Australia, or maybe just in a recordiing studio!

On the flight over here we watched She's the Man. That was a fun movie. I say good. Worth the watch. Pretty cheesy ending, but cheese can be a good thing, Especially Gouda (ha ha).

Okay, toodles.

Still here

2006-07-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

Yup, still sitting here on this leather sofa. We've been to church three times over the weekend. Really great. The standard of everything here is so high. The teaching and the music and the media and the service... phenominal. I know the photo is out of focus, but if you look carefully you will see the South African rugby team. It was pretty funny, we could see the size of them from the other side of the auditorium!

Tom and I have learnt something about ourselves. He doesn't like driving in other countries and I can't read a map to save my life. Tensions were high in the car last night. Many a wrong road was driven down. We managed not to have an explosive argument, but I did need to take a panadol when we finally got home! I think I internalised all the stress. It just felt wrong to have a fight in the car on the way home from a day of church while listening to Christian radio!! Such restraint.

I'm really regretting not bringing my running stuff on this trip. I am going to go on a mamouth turbo run when I get back to make up for all this sitting on my butt. Okay bye.

Wait, one more thing. I would like you to answer me this- Photoshop or Illustrator? What for? Why? I'm having trouble differentiating - which program do you use for what? I know photoshop works with images, but what about when it comes to drawing?

He is Amazing

2006-07-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Hi. Still in the studio. Mixing 'You Are Amazing'. It sounds SO good! I almost can't believe it. People, we have an incredible album on our hands! How good is God?

This is my third day of just sitting on this black leather sofa. It's weird. I don't get bored. I have endless things to do sitting here. I can blog, I can email, I can ichat (I can just love the fact that the internet exists), I can make pictures with Adobe, I can work, I can read my magazines. It's a good life.

I got really upset yesterday because I was trying to do a tutorial in a photoshop magazine, but it was so badly written I couldn't do it. It didn't expain everything I needed to know. It pratically ruined my day. I'm a fragile learner.

Do you have ichat? Let me know if you do.

See ya.

G'Day

2006-07-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hi! We're here in the Hillsong studio. Platinum albums mounted on the wall. Very exciting. Tom and Pete are mixing. I am blogging. I have bought three magazines in 24 hours! I feel good.

This place is cool. Very cool. They have a shop where they sell wonderful Christian books and even cooler notebooks. I have a fetish for stationary. I get so excited that I need the toilet after about 5 minutes of being in a book shop or stationary shop. It's very annoying. There's nothing I can do about it.

Today was Colour My World. Every Thursday they have Women's meeting. I don't know how they can get over a thousand ladies here on a week day morning. Such a different culture to Hong Kong! The atmospehere was just like conference. Totally buzzing all over the place.

I've just eaten half a bag of gummy candies. Thanks a lot Peta Cook. You are to blame for this! I couldn't find any of that soft licorice though... tomorrow is another day.

Okay. That's it for me. G'bye.

We Have Arrived

2006-07-26T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hello. I'm writing to you from a nice bed in the house of Pete Wallis (Hillsong sound guru) in Sydney! Tom and are are overjoyed about being here, to work on the great Who May Ascend project, to visit Hillsong and hang out with cool people (almost as cool as HK people that is:) and we are ecstatic about the fact that Pete has wireless broadband! Even here in Australia! Who'd a thought! Yes, we are quite sad. Techno savvy, but sad nonetheless.

The flight over here was alright, except for the fact that the guy on my left was quite snuggly. And Tom was on my right. I watched Take The Lead. How average. For a dance film (because they are on a cheese level of their own) it was below average. I give it one thumb down, and the other hand hailing a taxi cab.

We lose two hours by being here. It's not fair. I'm not at all sleepy but I still have to get up really early tomorrow. Sorry. I'm full of complaints tonight. I will say goodbye.

P.S The can't-be-bothered bug bit me while I was packing so I didn't bring any of my running gear. I will have to forego a week of running. Boo Jacinta.

Hot Hot Hot

2006-07-23T04:49:00.000-07:00

Distance: 3 miles Time: 29.38mins Pace: 9.7 mins per mile Ave HR: 162bpm

So I just found out that today was the hottest day of the whole year! No wonder I almost passed out while training at Happy Valley at 2:30pm. I must say though, there is something strangely attractive about running in the sweltering heat for me. I get chills and feel lightheaded, it's all very exciting. Then I slurp at the water fountain cursing the fact that I didn't bring money to buy a Pocari Sweat. Every time. Much more fun than running in the winter. I actually hate running in the cold, and that is exactly what I'll be doing next week in Sydney. Unless I get bitten by the I-can't-be-bothered bug. There's a good chance that'll happen. It often does when I'm not in Hong Kong, near Happy Valley. I just love that place so much. I don't know why either. It's just a big oval.

Tom is at his friend's house today. Playing in a PlayStation football tournament. I will say no more.

bye:)

Good Day

2006-07-21T04:25:00.000-07:00

Distance: 3miles Time: 29mins Pace: 9.6mins per mile Ave HR: 165bpm

Not much to report today... :)

Waaah

2006-07-18T01:15:00.000-07:00

No one's reading my blog!! Oh well, I will keep it going. I can perservere for a little longer!
I have some spare time at work right now because the computer technician is doing somthing on my laptop so I've been bumped to the office G5.

I'm sitting here in the 'boy's office' with Tom and Derek and I'm experiencing something rare. They are both so hard at work that I can't distract either of them! Not saying they don't work hard. They are some of the ahrdest working and driven people I know... but ususally they'll spare me some time. Oh well. I'll let them be.

I've decided to use my blog as a running log. I promised Mandy that if I don't run the Standard Chartered Marathon with her next February, I will give $5000 to a charity of her choice. I've GOT to do this. Not because I have something against giving money to charity, but for the sake of my integrity. It is so important to do what you say you're going to do. I come from a family of dreamers who do a lot of talking. I'm trying really hard these days to talk less and do more. I think it's good for the soul.

I will go for a run tonight. I'm following Art Liberman's training system. I'm sure that's really interesting info for you!!
Bye!

I'm sorry!

2006-07-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

hi!
I know I've been unfaithful with my blogging. All you wonderful people who bothered to comment, and then I go and ignore you for a whole week. Or two?... My apologies. If you want the reason, it's that I've been waiting to have something profound to write. I have now come to accept that that might take too long so I should just get on with it.

This was a busy weekend. I was a bridesmaid for Brooke and Ephraim's wedding. It was such a fun wedding. The most chilled out one to date. I'd been playing it all cool during the lead up to the wedding day. I figured, it's not my wedding, what do I have to worry about? But then when it was my turn to walk down the aisle, i got really nervous. My lip started vibrating, the exact same way it did on my wedding day. It's funny the things that make me nervous. I don't worry about speaking in front of crowds, or even singing... but walking on the other hand. That's not even totally true. As a small child and teenager I was in several fashion shows with no problems at all. I don't know why weddings are so scary. Oh well.

The highlight of the wedding for me (other than the bride and groom just being such a cute couple) was Jen and Brett's song at the reception. So nice!

Today is a well deserved day off. I spent the first half of yesterday writing like crazy (I currently have a gig as a freelance copywriter). Then I went to church and stayed behind to sing in the choir for the album. That was quite fun. I particularly like the impromtu hang out time before hand. Nice to catch up with you Tammy! We had a great conversation that I will have to blog about tomorrow (this one's getting too long).

Okay, that's me for today. Hope you're all having a great day too. Bye! PS, the other picture is me and Tom at Coldplay.

Day 2

2006-07-05T02:45:00.000-07:00

I've have now been a blogger for almost 24 hours! No hits. Probably because I've only just told everyone about this... I'm so sad.

This morning I led worship for the Asylum Seekers for the second time. We have a lot of asylum seekers from Africa and Nepal in our church. I help out with their weekly meetings. No major improvement from last week, but I figure if no one tries to stop me, and I just keep doing it, my guitar playing will have to get better. They are a very forgiving crowd. They just love to sing so much I don't think they notice me and my struggles in the corner. Any tips on how to strum?

This is a bad week to be a refugee. The police are really cracking down on them, stopping them in the streets, demanding to see passports. They are no longer accepting the UNHCR papers that they carry around with them. If they show their passports they will be thrown in jail for overstaying. I'm trying to figure out a way to change the world, but I haven't got many ideas yet.

That's all I'll report for today. Don't want to be long winded. Just wanted to let you know that I'm still going strong!

J

I have arrived!

2006-07-04T03:39:00.000-07:00

I have a blog!!!
I've been thinking about it for ages, and now the time has come. Now all I need to do is think of something profound to write to the world. Is anyone reading this? I would appreciate some tips on what to write on my blog. I'm sure there's etiquette that I need to know about.

I've got my hesitations about all of this. Isn't it a bit self-absorbed? A little presumptious to think you all want to read what I'm writing?

Now I'm showing my web-ignorance. I'm sure it's totally fine to write to the world. Sorry if that offended anyone. Maybe I should use the delete key...nah...I'll keep going.... I just worry about it because I don't actually read anyone else's blogs/websites. I admit it. I am a web-ignoraneous. I sometimes feel like I want to know how to 'surf', so I try. What I do is, I go to goole.com and type in a word that I like. Something like 'running'. Then I look at some weird sites made by some weird people. Then I go to images and look at them. Then sometimes I think I'm really clever and I type in the name of someone I know with .com after it to see if they have a site or someone with the same name as them. I think you get the picture.

Anyway, I'm turning over a new leaf. I can't expect people to read my blog if I don't learn to read theirs. SO, please write to me and tell me your website or recommend cool ones for me to surf.
That's it for my first ever post!!
Bye!!!!